MOTTO : FAMILY EXCELLENCE

This article is also available at the JOY FM Website:
http://news.myjoyonline.com/features/200911/37990.asp

OUR GENERATION IS CRYING FOR TRUE COMMITMENT

One of the greatest needs of our time (a real problem we need to tackle) is the lack of genuine commitment for our duties and responsibilities. Integrity is therefore woefully lacking in our present societies. People want to succeed by cheap means, and prefer to toe the path of least resistance that entails little or no sacrifices. However, “Life is war” (as we usually say), but many of us want to enjoy the fruits of war without fighting any war or firing even a single shot. This is one of the major root causes of many failed marriages, broken or unproductive relationships, fruitless associations, as well as slow or hindered development of organizations, churches, ministries, institutions, cities, and nations across the world. Men and women are equality guilty of poor commitment to our respective duties and responsibilities.

If you do not demonstrate and convince me that you are sincerely committed to me as a person that you have taken time to know, love, believe, and appreciate, and you are not genuinely devoted to what I am pursuing in life, especially for my growth, welfare, progress, prosperity, success, or relationship with you; and you cause me to doubt or fear that you will only take advantage of me or desert me along the way as I count on you to diligently support me faithfully in my ministry, marriage, relationship, project, investment, dream, vision, vocation, career, or pursuit; and give me reason to think or feel that my association with you will rather cause me to become discouraged and disillusioned, fail to succeed or prosper, fall into disgrace, keep me away from God or godly principles, and ruin my life in disappointment, then I can never trust you.
Trust is earned like a certificate. We do not simply give trust unwisely and carelessly to people without being sure of their sincerity and commitment. What you do and say (or do not say and do not do), and the attitude or spirit with which you operate, will enable me to build trust for you. Therefore my brother or my sister, please make every effort to stop faking, and be real! FOCUS ON BUILDING INTEGRITY BY CONSISTENLY DOING WHAT YOU SAID OR PROMISED (OR ARE EXPECTED) TO DO, IN ORDER TO ESTABLISH FAITHFULNESS IN OUR RELATIONSHIP AND IN THE MINDS OF OTHER PEOPLE.

Compare the sacrifices and commitment of the modern generation to the devotion of our elders and ancestors who had very little to work with without technology, and you will often wonder why we are so un-committed in our generation. A story just came into mind: When I was a biology graduate student at the University of Aberdeen (Scotland), I went to nearby Edinburgh in April 1985 to do some studies at the Botanical Garden. When I arrived in the city, the bus I was riding in passed by a big church that was not very far from where I lodged. So the next morning (a Sunday), I dressed up and walked along the road to look for that church in order to worship there. I realized it was a Baptist Church, and I went all around but found the doors shut. Anyone on the street I made inquiries from about the church could not give me any tangible answer. So I went round it again and finally found a small door at the back that opened when I turned the door knob. As I entered everyone turned to look at me (I realized I was the only Black man present). The people present in that small room were about 20. The service was soon over, and the pastor came over and excitedly greeted me. He then asked me to accompany him home for tea. On our way we passed through the main sanctuary which was full of varied materials (furniture, cement bags, piles of wood, iron rods, appliances, metal tools etc.) smeared with a lot of dust, so I commented: “Oh, you are doing renovations, eh?” He shook his head with a squeezed-in mouth, and with an apparent sad face and eyes wide opened he answered: “No; it is rented out as a warehouse to a company. We find it hard to get many people to come to church, so it is a way of making use of the main sanctuary. That is why we hold the services in that small room downstairs.” In my shock I kept silent until we got home. As we sat down to chat over our tea and biscuits (Americans will say cookies) I asked him how many people come to church on the average. He answered: “Young man, I have to be honest with you – the number (about 20) you saw today was quite significant; we usually have less than that. We shall do some outreach in the summer with one or two seminary students that I am expecting from London” Wow!
Before we parted I suggested that we prayed. I remember that part of my prayer was: “Dear Lord, come and revive your work in our time. If our ancestors were to resurrect and come to see how we are treating the precious legacy they left for us; how they toiled with their hands and built this massive beautiful church without any technology that we have today; they will be terribly disappointed, cry, and lament because of our modern-day lack of commitment to duty and important things of life.” As I left I still gazed at the gigantic and artistic structure of stones and kept wondering!

Similar situations are found in many parts of the world where our forefathers made themselves available for mighty moves of God and great revivals, especially communities of the world where God entrusted the people with His word and power for them to be missionaries who carried the Gospel to foreign lands. The modern generation has abandoned any commitment to the God of their ancestors, and no more regard the true God as their ultimate source. Because of the spiritual hunger which still prevails in all mankind, many of us drift into all forms of fake religions and occult practices as substitutes, due to our unwillingness to obey the Lord, practice holy living, and accept the Bible as the infallible word of God. This is my personal view as a Christian and a Minister of the Gospel of Christ. Your ideas and impressions might be different. You might therefore disagree with me and have a divergent view, but please let us still be friends with different views, work together for the much-needed commitment and progress of our societies, without disregarding the important truths in this article.

We are in an era when people hate to sacrifice, tell the truth and keep their promises, make time to work on themselves and build character, tackle difficult assignments that will promote progress, stay on a job until it is fully completed, and allow their commitment to people to build love and acceptance for final fruit that will bless everyone.
A truly wise and committed person in any community is someone who loves people and uses things; but an uncommitted person is a selfish opportunist who loves things and uses people for his or her selfish purposes. The problem is more serious in the lives of young people in this generation who have many things ready-made (instant) for them without sweat, which encourages them to be lazy, wasteful, carefree, apathetic, and bad stewards of resources.
It is a tragic prevalent bad character that is cancerous in our societies today, that many young adults (as well as several older adults) of today cannot become committed to a serious romantic relationship or marriage with one partner without drifting into unfaithfulness, apathy, or abandonment. Although some ladies are guilty in this regard, my experiences from hundreds of people that I have counseled over the years clearly indicate that generally men demonstrate lack of true commitment in relationships and marriage more than women. The tide seems to be changing, as we witness and hear of more women becoming unfaithful and un-committed in relationships and marriages than in the past.

I have always stressed that God created men and gave them greater physical strength for at least 3 reasons; to become 1) protectors, 2) providers, and 3) courageous leaders with strength. When men therefore become true leaders of commitment to family duties and responsibilities, and demonstrate serious commitment to people in marriages and other relationships, the women and children will follow, as they draw their strength from the fear of God, led by the godliness of men in our communities. The leadership (headship) of men is therefore more of a privilege, endowment from God, and commitment to responsibility for the progress of society, rather than bossiness, control, manipulation, and domination.
I know and admit that there are also many good and faithful men out there who work hard and seek to give the best leadership in their relationships, but some stubborn, carnal, un-submissive, un-cooperative, wasteful, impatient, sneaky, nagging women partners in their lives would not allow them to perform their leadership roles.
So, men, kindly cheer up; sometimes it is not your fault!  Please do not stop trying! Take every step to stop any other lady from stealing your heart and love away from your partner because of any frustration due to lack of true commitment in your relationship. If you are already (secretly) trapped, may the Lord stir your conscience today and grant you the inner power and grace to quit that adulterous hell-bound relationship! Our present environment is filled with wicked women with every seductive trick in the book to steal people’s fiancées and husbands!! Disregard every ungodly and discouraging comments or wrong advice of family members and friends (many of whom are often ignorant, adherents to outmoded traditions, frustrated individuals who experienced failed marriages or unsuccessful relationships, or self-seeking opportunists). Consistently depend heavily on God’s unfailing promises. You are still a great man who can succeed!  Smile!

The fuel for the prevailing nonchalant, lackadaisical, and licentious lifestyle without serious commitment to responsibilities and exhibition of the fear of God in lifestyles, is pumped relentlessly into the furnace of godlessness and rebellion of society by the fineries of life; glamour of dazzling beautiful toys scattered around us; the filth and deceptive liberal rhetoric in the media; the glittering lure of money and wealth; competition to always get instead of give; negative sides of technology (typically pornography on the Internet and in magazines as well as immoral and diabolically-inspired instant messaging and text or e-mail messages); modern sophistications (for dresses, ornaments, celebrations, home establishment etc.); subtle seductive temptation-filled and sinful or ungodly movies and entertainment; developmental trade-offs (typically the way society measures success only by material possessions); shameless nudity that promotes adultery, immorality, and promiscuity in proliferative varieties; satanic worship in the form of different types of occultism; and political correctness that has become the dangerous silent destroyer of open moral courage, virtue, excellent traditional codes of conduct, and treasured family values that are imperative as the foundation for the true development of every nation or society on planet earth.
Many children lack good parenting or adult guidance and supervision in our day, and many young people do not therefore have true role models that will enable them to see, love, and emulate true commitment of adult caretakers, guides, and supervisors. Many people elected into public office, woefully lack the moral uprightness and the zeal to be such role models, and several adults and leaders even in our churches are no better. Our children therefore lack the development of any sense of responsibility, discipline, and stewardship.

Many of us (adults included) lack the spirit or skill to take initiatives for progress, embark upon our required tasks to completion, take responsibility for our actions, take good care of resources, engage in good financial management, and take very good care of our homes and families. We consequently carry all the terrible baggage of un-commitment into our relationships and cannot marry effectively or establish any productive relationships.
The situation is even more dangerous, very sad, and painful when people fake commitment in relationships, appointment to offices, or when entrusted with important transactions, money, and property. They pretend at the beginning to be angels that should be fully trusted, and deceive you to think that they are fully going along with you, and then later show you their true deceptive colors along the road.

There are four major aspects of commitment for every situation in life. If one aspect falls short, the commitment strength becomes weakened. If more than one aspect lags behind or is neglected, then your commitment will be poorer still. These are:
1) Commitment to God                                                                                                            In my personal opinion, your commitment to God (through the acceptance of Jesus into your heart as Savior and Lord), followed by daily commitment to meditate on God’s word, plus fervent prayers, form the foundation for true commitment. That is what I have personally discovered, and I depend on that as my foundation for true success. You need to derive your strength, energy, and guidance from God’s power and grace, in order to be able to clearly know what to do at all times, and also obtain the ability to deal with people and situations effectively. As you build the fear of God in this way, you become devoted to the principles of God that would motivate and empower you to become devoted to society, your responsibilities, and ultimately devoted to the people you deal with, as human beings created in the image of God. If you employ only human efforts to work out your commitment without dependence on God’s power and his promises, then your gas will run out real quick! Your diligence, patience, endurance, and perseverance will wear very thin for you to become deflated and be a quitter somewhere down the road.
This explains why people, who initially claim to die in love for each other, or exhibit unparalleled zeal in business ventures, career development, organizational involvement, politics, ministerial position or activity, etc., can divorce, resign, throw in the towel, and give up trying.

2) Commitment to the established institution or organization                          Whether you are a church attendant or not, you need to know the details of the organization or institution that you are involved in, the rules and regulations, obligations, benefits, and reason for its existence, before you can clearly define your commitment to it. Some people even call themselves Christians, but are irresponsible and mean in their homes, marriages, relationships, on the job, at school, in their communities, in business activities, and even in church! Taking marriage, for example, you must know that it is a covenant relationship between one man and one woman that should never be broken once it is established and consummated. If you sincerely know that you cannot become committed to that person alone for life, then do not marry him or her. If you cannot become committed to anyone, then ask God for the grace to remain single till you die, rather than destroying yourself and other lives, and leaving a battalion of problems behind you after your final departure. Marriage is also a holy institution, and is the highest institution of God on earth, created and established by God alone for mankind. God therefore has the final word or instructions in any marriage and family matters. No matter your religious, social, educational, political, or economic status, there are obligations expected by society to be fulfilled by any married person. Once you marry, you must be committed fully to the institution of marriage, and stick permanently to your husband or wife alone (whether you are a Christian, religious, or not).  You must make diligent efforts to build a strong family, and play all of your expected roles in the marriage, home, and family.
Every city or country has rules and regulations, as well as guidelines established for the smooth and effective running of that society. If you live in that city or country, you must be committed to the regulations and customs of the institutional set-up of that community. That is how to become a responsible citizen. Without true commitment, civility and sense of duty get lost in society.

3) Commitment to your duties and responsibilities                                             Whether it is marriage, family life, workplace, church, school, organization, position of authority, or any area in our communities, there are duties expected of each member of the particular set-up. You are required, for example, to pay your taxes if you belong to any community, and have absolute respect for the established laws and regulations of the land. Each of us must know our required roles wherever we are and for whatever we become involved in, and perform our expected roles as best as we know how to the level of excellence. We have to make a firm decision to be committed to our duties and responsibilities in every institution or relationship with people, and seek for their welfare and prosperity.

4) Commitment to the individual or persons you relate to or work with          The final level of commitment must be to the person or people that you relate to. This is the next most important aspect of commitment and devotion, after commitment to God. But you need the other two aspects of commitment to be in place before you can become committed to the people who make up the institution, and who will benefit from the results of your commitment to duties and responsibilities. You cannot simply work your way to success with the performance of multiple tasks and get caught up in the frenzy of organizational and relational activities, while you pay little or no attention to the human beings involved.

A husband and a wife can have children in a marriage, try to provide material needs, and gather a lot of trophies without building any meaningful relationship between them as spouses and among each other in the marriage or family, due to lack of true commitment from the heart. It makes little sense to work very hard and just purchase piles of material things for the home as your duty; make love to simply enjoy the feelings; seek to acquire property; cook and engage in household chores; pay bills; and provide other needs, while you have no close relationship or genuine concern in your heart for the people involved in your life and whom you provide for.

We do not discount the fact that we must fulfill our duties in our homes, at the workplace, or church, and for all relationships. Even if our love and commitment fall short, it is still encouraging to know that we perform such duties, which will help us to be on the road to real commitment. But when your life primarily revolves around human activities and material things without the use of all these opportunities to build relationships with people, then it is likely that you do all those “great things” in order to feel good within yourself as a hero in a selfish manner, without being motivated by real love for the people you claim to support. Your good deeds will not simply earn you high marks before God and grant you open entrance into His Kingdom, if you do not submit your good deeds to God and use the gifts to build good relationships with people.
A pastor or ministry leader could preach and teach until he or she drowns in sweat and loses the voice; and can organize all the imaginable programs under the sun for the church or ministry, but could still have very little commitment to build any heart-to-heart relationship with the members of the congregation, ministry, or fellowship.

Usually people make the effort to get committed to a spouse, child, parent, in-law, family member, friend, colleague etc., and then find that they are struggling helplessly to accept, love, accommodate, and associate with that person. This is mainly because they miss the foundational steps of: 1) first working on their commitment to the God of the people; 2) after that they must work hard on their commitment to the institutions and situations that they are involved in with the respected individuals; 3) followed by a diligent commitment to their respected duties and responsibilities in the relationship; 4) and then be in a prepared and motivated position where they would have the knowledge, power, and patient endurance to work out genuine commitment to the people they are struggling to love, accept, work or live with, and become committed to.
We must make every effort to use every available opportunity and resource at our disposal to build wise, godly, peaceful, and productive relationships, and be people builders at home and outside of our homes, instead of the wrong focus on merely having babies or selfishly marrying partners just to enjoy them, building physical structures and organizations, and craving for material possessions.

Tune in to JOY 99.7 FM in Accra on Sundays at 8:30 pm (Ghana Time) or 3:30pm (US Eastern Time, October - March) to listen to Dr. Kisseadoo's broadcast "Hope For Your Family". Access on the Internet using MYJOYONLINE.COM, and then click on “Live Radio”.
More information can be obtained in Dr. Kisseadoo’s book “Ten Keys For Success”. You can get it from Red Lead Press, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Search online with: RedLeadBooks.com, and put his name Samuel Kisseadoo into the "Search" box. Three of his books published so far by the company will come up: "Differences Between Men and Women"; "Conflict Resolution and Agreement"; and "10 Keys for Success."
You can also obtain them from Amazon.com.
You can also contact him in the USA for copies of all of his13 books. In Ghana you can obtain them at Challenge Bookstore, Legon Bookstore, and other bookstores.
For free counseling, prayer, seminars, and contacts in Ghana, call 020-8126533 or 0276-322982 in Accra, or 0244-786658 or 0275-5353802 in Kumasi. Attend free family life seminars for the public every 2nd Saturday of the month in Accra, 10am-12pm, or every other Sunday 4pm-6pm in Kumasi.
Visit our website: www.fruitfulministriesint.com to enrich your personal life, relationships, marriage, and ministry.
Copyright Nov. 2009   Rev. Dr. Samuel A. Kisseadoo  (Professor of Biology, USA). Founder and President, Fruitful Ministries International Inc., 6  Red Robin Turn, Hampton,  Virginia 23669,  USA.      
Ph 757-7289330                 Fax 757-7289335               E-mail: kisseadoo@msn.com